Who Are You?

Hello Friends! Hope all is well.

I was asked recently about who I was and what I wanted out of life, which is a bit of a change up from the adjacent questions, “What’s your name and what do you do?” Only in some neo-noir gangster film can some italian pizza restaurant owner say, “Who are you and what do you want?”

And y’know, maybe I’m just naturally an overthinker, but the more I thought about it, the more I just thought, “I don’t really know.” I could go back to my religious roots and say, “I am a Child of God.” Which, is a pretty powerful statement. But does that statement truly reflect who I am? A more neutral answer, yet just as powerful is, “I am a human being.” But then again, what does that even mean? What does humanity reflect in my own self, and vice versa? What in me reflects humanity?

In highschool, my brother was a senior while I was a freshman. Before him, my sister was a senior when he was a sophomore. So my family had a certain history or reputation to uphold. So, when people asked me who I was, I would just say, “I’m [redacted]’s brother.” Faces would light up and reply, “Oh, so are you interested in [all the stuff your brother is interested in]?” And if there was any overlap (which there was), suddenly I was my brother 1.5, and nothing else.

And sometimes that was really helpful! Even now, my brother and I live in the same city and go to parties and gatherings together once in awhile. The easiest way to break the ice is identifying a mutual friend! Adults know that people are different, for the most part, but I swear my high school just thought I was a clone. And clones have a bad rep! There’s always a good one and evil one, and if there’s multiple, they’re all evil except the original.

It may have been from being a middle child, but I got to see two of my older siblings go through the same things I would. Given my placement, I also got to pick the approach from the previous two experiences. And, as luck would have it, my oldest sister’s experiences were largely trial and error! She had nobody to go to or mimic! So it was always so much easier to just copy the approach that seemed easiest! Which would usually be my brother’s.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “What? Aaron’s socially lazy! Boo!” And you know what? Maybe. I don’t know! I’m still trying to figure out what values I hold the most dear and what I really care about.

But the thought occurred to me that finding those values comes in finding your boundaries! Just as a toddler will throw things just to find out what they can and can’t do, so do we in adulthood have to keep pushing those boundaries!

During a recent therapy session, I was reminded that all of us, to some extent, have a childhood self in our souls somewhere. It never quite goes away! My childhood self played so many video games and jumped head first into pop culture the moment he could. So part of who I am now was largely affected by my childhood self! And I think he would approve of how much nerdier I’ve gotten.

So, if we’re using a circle as the “boundary”, we need to move outward from that childhood sense of self to the parts of us we’re not sure about. Those areas require trial and error! You could read books you don’t normally read, or consume any type of entertainment you don’t normally participate in just to find out your simple likes and dislikes. Those help define you!

Another way to find that definition within yourself is to talk to other people with different perspectives! I’m constantly amazed at how much I learn about myself by talking to someone else. Listening to people’s joys and triumphs and hopes just illuminates a lot of those same things.

If you want to get really out there, writing in a journal is a great way to find out who you are. Looking back through some of my old journal entries is really interesting, because there are still trends that my soul will follow, only to drop off a couple months later. Finding those through lines across entries helps me remember who I am as a person.

What’s so funny to me though, is that most personality studies are very similar to my approach to the english language, which is: Grouping like words together and finding differences between meanings.

For example, if you are agreeable, that must mean that you are also friendly. Not that big of a stretch, right? And so it is with a lot of personality tests, where you kind of whittle down the synonyms just right until it sounds like, well, you!

BUT. I think it’s safe to say that another good way to figure out who you are is to find out what you want. You can reverse engineer it from the other side too. “If I want [this], then that means I value [this].”

I want to bring joy to other people’s lives. I want to live a fulfilling life, as well as provide opportunities for others to do the same! I love to write and want to make a career out of it. If I could find happiness some other way, I probably would have taken it by now. But, nothing’s come up! So I have a pretty hard boundary on that front. But I think, at my core, that’s what I want more than anything in the world. Those ideas, when I think about them for too long, get my heart racing and my arm hairs standing. So what does that mean? What does that make me?

I’m still not entirely sure. From a personality side, you could say I’m a hippie! Or a dreamer! Or a creative person! And, as much as I’d love to commit to all three, I just don’t think I have it in me. So I’ll just settle on being a compassionate person.

What about you? Who are you? What is your Myers-Briggs Personality?

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