My Results from 2 Weeks in Quarantine Might Surprise You

I’ve managed to write 229 drafts and lose 5 kilos without even trying, but the curators aren’t feeling it

Over the last two weeks, my only human contact has been with a hazmatted lady, who I’ve taken to calling Brenda. I can only see her eyes through misty goggles and we don’t share the same language, nevertheless, I feel like we have developed a rapport.

She arrives twice daily to take my temperature and on alternate days sticks an elongated q tip close to my brain for a wee lick. I think we both look forward to the extended time together on those alternate days.

I had high hopes for this me time, as I’ve tried to rephrase it. Reading, writing, even completing some courses or something productive. But I’d be lying if I said any of these really happened.

I’ve written 229 drafts but only finished 10 of them. In reality, all that enforced isolation has given me is a shit ton of work for the future.

Me time has also meant that I have been left with only my thoughts. Which has at times been mildly disturbing. The closest comparison I can think of is watching a Texas Chain Saw Massacre Version of Happy Days on repeat.

I've written down as much as I can but most of it is complete and utter shite. Nevertheless, I will try and dress it up and add some clickbait titles and you my readers will be none the wiser.

Reading these articles, as I’m sure you will, will go some way to paying the $150 I spent getting a doctor to tell me that all I had was an ingrown hair, not a herpes sore.

I’m therefore not entirely sure that quarantine has been creatively or financially a good experience however, there are still 10 days to go. I’m sure you can feel my optimism pulsating through my words. Anything can happen!

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