Living the Dream

It was a wild day on the used car lot. Customers everywhere, shouting, crying, pleading, laughing. Salesman shuffling about, to and fro, shaking hands, faking smiles, sneaking fast food farts. Some asshole forgot to put his jeep in park and it rolled from in between the white lines into a shiny new truck. The crunch was deafening.

Pandamonium.

Inside the showroom, people were bustling around in a fever of excitement and anxiety. Standing up, sitting down, chasing children, shaking hands, spilling coffee. It was a mess.

My customer looked at me from across the table in the midst of the chaos.

“Look kid, I’ll do it for 30 grand,” he said stabbing his finger at the paper.

“I can sell it for 35 thousand and that’s cutting my balls off,” I replied karate chopping the paper.

“Well kid, I gotta go,” the old man said.

“Wait, I can’t just…” I began but before I could say anything more he raised his hand to silence me.

“You book me a hotel room with a jacuzzi and a chocolate cake tonight and I’ll do it for 35.”

“Wait, what?”

“Get me a hotel room with a hot tub and some fuckin chocolate cake and we got ourselves a deal.”

“My desk manager’s already going to take my nuts for doing 35. What makes you think I can swing this?”

“Because if I pay 35 grand for this car my wife will kill me unless I distract her with some romantic sex shit, I’m talking freaky. Now I’m either going to go over there and tell her we’re getting it on VIP style tonight or I’m fucking off. So are we doing this or what?”

“35 grand for the car and a hotel room with a chocolate cake. No hot tub.”

“Fuck you kid. We got a deal.” He spit in his hand and extended it out to me. You gotta be fucking kidding me. I spit in my hand and shook his. He smiled with all seven of his teeth.

“Hell yeah kid, get all the paperwork ready while I go tell the missus the good news. And where’s the shitter?” I pointed to the bathroom down the hall and he was off. Fuck me, I thought.

I grabbed the paperwork and headed to Curtis’s office. I glanced over at my desk manager on the way…

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