Grief into Action

What My Mother’s Death Taught Me About Activism.

I lost my mom to multiple myeloma cancer two years ago. We were planning her 75th birthday, a milestone celebration, not a funeral. When I experienced the most devastating loss in my life, there were many who told me I should not be grieving, that I should be grateful that she’s not suffering anymore, that she’s in a better place. They asked me to accept that her arduous battle with cancer had finally ended. Later, as time passed, some people suggested that I should be done with the sorrow.

We came to the states from Taiwan in 1983 to help my aunt and uncle with the family restaurant in Tulsa, Oklahoma. In 1991, my parents purchased from my dad’s younger brother one of the 16 Chinese food franchises they owned, and we moved to Dallas, Texas. That’s when I became a social practice artist. Whether I’m making billboards to dialogue on race, or building an interactive wishing tree for an art museum, I heed my mom’s advice to do what’s good and right. My mom taught us to practice kindness everyday and always remember people’s names. I employed the lessons I learned from my mom to build community.

I’ve since deleted the voicemail messages my mom left me. Although I still tear up every now and then, I no longer break down every time I speak of her in public forums, and ugly cry afterwards in the bathroom. I still have in my freezer the last batch of Chinese pickled cabbage she made, and her handwriting of my name on a yellow post-it note. Now, I understand the quote from Rumi, the 13th century Persian poet and Sufi master: “Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.” I understand this eternal love that keeps on giving because I’m able to pay it forward and give back to our community. It’s all thanks to my mom.

Jin-Ya Huang is an interdisciplinary artist and the founder of Break Bread, Break Borders, a social entrepreneurship that provides economic empowerment to refugees through sharing food and culture. She is a Dallas Greenhouse Public Voices Fellow with The OpEd Project.

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