The Comparison Trap

We all know the gut-wrenching feelings that arise when we compare our worst moments with someone else’s highlight reel. It could be about anything — financial, social status, physical appearance, etc. It makes us feel underappreciated, not good enough, and horrible. Even though we are well aware that there will always be someone who is better than us but we still want to be like them, actually be better than them. We thirst after their happiness, achievements, and pride.

When you see a friend living in his fancy decorated house, you want to update your own place.
When your co-worker shows you pictures of their recent luxury vacation, you daydream about your next trip.
The list goes on and on.

Our society has taught us from an early age to use comparison as a tool to measure ourselves against things and people. This is how we make sense of the world and define success, happiness, and any other status markers.

You should study hard. See Rohan got 90%.
Amrita got married to an NRI. It’s time you should settle down.
Lisa got a job at Google. Her parents are so proud.

Comparison creates self-doubt and negativity — it’s a recipe for misery. It makes you question how you’ve lived up to this moment. It’s a vicious cycle of proving your worth to strangers.

Rohan got 90% but he has given up on sports. Although you got 70%, you won the University’s badminton tournament — something you really love.

Amrita is happily married. And you have just started a company at a young age and currently don’t have time for any romantic relationships.

Lisa is excelling at her career but you just had a newborn. And your family is your top priority.

Social comparison theory was first proposed in 1954 by psychologist Leon Festinger and suggested that people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often in comparison to others. It comes naturally to humans. Sometimes, we compare ourselves to people who rank lower in the particular comparison criteria to boost our ego and self-esteem.

Humans are wired for connection and belonging, but these meaningless comparison traps are toxic. And the truth is that you don’t know the struggles and challenges the other person is battling. We need to start seeing these traps for the distorted mirrors that they are.

Instead, if you want to compare, do it in a smarter way. Remember, the only person you have to please is yourself. Reflect back on the challenges you have overcome and how much you have grown. Strive to become a better version of yourself — every single day. Take back control of your life. After all, we only live once.

Related posts:

I looked forward to spending my holidays eating food I did not cook. Grilled ribs, hot sausages, chicken, hot dogs, potato salad, cole-slaw, fruit salad, baked beans, watermelon, and greens, and…

When you land in Paris at Charles De Gualle Airport, you are met by expectation, as if she were the silent neighbor occupying the seat next to you the entire flight. You wondered if you should speak…

Nominees for the 2021 New Music Awards were announced this week in Nashville, Tennessee. The extraordinary talent of singer songwriter John Michael Ferrari was nominated for three New Music Awards…